STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
