Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
