I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
