Pappa wants mamma naked
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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