If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had sex on a roof
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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