omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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