I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
