I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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