pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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