You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The power of my boobs compel you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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