Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
