I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was CRYING into my vagina
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my liver is dry heaving
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
