They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
