Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
