You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
