Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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