He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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