You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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