we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
