you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
