sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
