if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
