I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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