guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
