hotel room ftw
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
