we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
