all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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