I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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