what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
