How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
