Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
