I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize