i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
