You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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