i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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