Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
