dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
