I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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