um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
