White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize