I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
