something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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