Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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