Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
