he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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