so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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