he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize