I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
