dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
