I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize