watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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