you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
