Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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