I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
