i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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