# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
