I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
