Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
