I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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