Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
