Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize