morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
