Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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