Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
