how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
