were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
