yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
