He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
