It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
