I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
