great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
