Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
