Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
