this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
