Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
