conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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