I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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